| Tweet |
|
|
Your dynamic doesn't have to be public to be valid. The most intense BDSM scenes certainly take place in the privacy of people's own homes. When we belittle "bedroom-only" players, BDSM becomes about exhibitionism and voyeurism, about measuring up to outside observers. If exhibitionism and voyeurism is your thing, by all means, put it all out there, loud and proud. However, if people do not feel comfortable being an open book, putting their dynamic "out there" for the perusal of others, this should be respected too. On a BDSM couple there may be one who has a touch of exhibitionist, but the other hasn’t. One of them can be, in fact, an intensely private person. Many times one would fantasized about being played with in public, enjoying being watched, and making that connection with the watchers. However, the other partner would be uncomfortable and turned off. It wouldn't be enjoyable to one partner if the other wasn't enjoying it too. Public play, even connection with the community, is not for everyone.
Just because you don't want to get out there in the community and show your stuff in front of others doesn't mean you have to surrender your kinkster fantasies. Most of all, you should never, ever feel compelled to play publicly in order to measure up to others, or to somehow prove your kinkiness. The only one you have to prove anything to is yourself and those who you play with, either in public or behind closed doors.
Exhibitionism is hot, but not when it's non-consensual.
|
|
|